Adolescence: A happier time

Many changes occurred during my adolescence. I felt pretty alone my 6th & 7th grade years, just after the move back to Texas. However, I was determined to figure out who Ruby really was. This determination came about the time that I made my last move with my parents. We moved to a tiny town, just north of Beaumont, TX. I suddenly went from being a nobody, to being the object of everyone's attention. I contribute that to being the new girl in a town where everyone has been in the same class with each other since kindergarten.

I can definitely see how, as discussed in a previous module, self-esteem is based on what we believe others think about us. During this phase of development I suddenly felt like everyone saw me as a smart, beautiful girl, instead of a nobody. It didn't matter that my clothes weren't name brand or that I lived in a shack (literally). For some reason, no one cared about those things, at least in my perception they didn't. My identity began to form, and I no longer felt confused about who I was as Erikson's Theory states.

We lived in a small cabin on the Neches River that had no heat or air. In the summer we had a little 110 AC unit in the living room window, and in the winter we just opened the oven door for heat. The walls had tiny cracks, and in the winter I could feel the cold air blowing through. One of my favorite memories of my mother is how she would pile homemade quilts on me and then run the iron over the top so that the heat would seep through and warm me. In the mornings she would put my jeans on the oven door to warm them up. She also had a hot breakfast cooked every morning. In looking back, she and my father were more nurturing at this stage of development than any other. Maybe because they had worked through the death of Larry and had a new outlook.

During adolescence I figured out that I really could make good grades if I applied myself. I was also involved in various sports and clubs at school. Things were going great. I did struggle with drinking and sneaking out of my house to go to parties that I had no business at, however that didn't last long. It was during that time that I had the greatest impact during my adolescence. That impact came with the loss of my brother Tommy. It was during that heartache that a teacher from my school reached out to me and shared with me what it meant to have a true relationship with Christ. I knew that I was a Christian, because I had a real experience with Jesus when I was 9, but I didn't really ever understand that He longed to have a personal relationship with me. I decided to grow that relationship with Christ, and in doing so I had to give up some of my closest friends, along with the drinking and parties. It was hard, but I knew it was what I was called to do. My identity was altered by my perception of a role that I felt more accurately depicted God's plan for my life. This fits identity achievement, as defined by Berk (2007, p. 402). I had explored a bit, but in the end had resolved to a certain set of "values, beliefs, and goals," (Berk, 2007, p. 402).

Not long after I began living for Christ I started dating my high school sweetheart, who is now my husband. He actually told me in the 8th grade that he would marry me someday...I thought he was strange for saying that! We began dating our Junior year and were inseparable until the end of our senior year. We broke up and headed off to college, only to find that no one else we dated was right for either of us. He surrendered to the ministry, I saw a new side of him that I hadn't seen before...a man totally in love with Jesus. I found him irresistible and the rest is history!