It'll be here before I know it!!

Honestly, I get really excited about middle adulthood. I am not trying to rush my children's growth, but I like the ponder about what their futures hold. I will be 44 when my youngest goes to college. I look forward to having a healthy relationship with both of them in their early adulthood years. We are building that relationship now so that the foundation will be there then. It must be a rewarding feeling to see your children succeed in their goals. I hope that they will be more than I could ever imagine them to be.

Another thing that excites me is how young my husband and I will still be young when our children are out of the house. We were married at 21 and had our first child at 23. Throughout the past 9 years we have grown closer and closer. The difficulties we experienced only solidified our relationship. We have struggled financially most of our marriage, that's what I get for marrying a minister! :) Only in the past year or two have we begun to feel that we aren't treading water anymore. It is a nice feeling. I look forward to the years that our relationship is less about making the bills and keeping up with the kids' schedule, and more about each other. I wonder if my husband and I will have less of a struggle in mid-life because we have such a strong, passionate relationship now.

I guess the thing that worries me the most is just the physical piece. I don't care so much about wrinkles and grey hair. That is just inevitable...I have bad genes, as my husband has already pointed out! :) However, I love being physically active. I work out 4-5 days a week and LOVE it. I am already, at 30, experiencing changes in my abilities, aches, pains, etc... I am worried about losing the drive to be active. I wonder if it is a mind over matter thing; like if I refuse to lose it then I still have it?? Reminds me of Cosby in that video we watched.

Since the time we were married my husband and I felt our number one calling is to raise Godly children. We want to leave a legacy for our children. Not like what we experience in our families growing up, but something that makes them proud to tell stories of their parents, and makes them want to instill that spiritual knowledge into their children as well. If we have already begun this thought process concerning generativity now, maybe Erikson's theory of generativity vs. stagnation will not be as much of a struggle for us.

Whatever the pros and cons may be, I better get ready. It'll be here before I know it!

Bridges crossed and battles won...

I look back at my early 20's and think about the many struggles I had in relationships. I didn't trust people in general. I had many acquaintances that I enjoyed being around, but few significant friendships. The only solid relationship I had was with Chad, my rock. I feel like he pushed me to trust him by proving time and time again that he would not hurt me. As I read about Bowlby's ethological theory of attachment and affect my childhood attachments could have on future relationships, I realize even more how thankful I am for my husband. He held a mirror up in front of me and forced me to see how I push people away. He pointed out to me my lack of trust, and don't get me wrong, that wasn't an easy task for him either. He suffered the grief that I dealt him when he pushed me. All in all, I sit here typing this as we just returned from having dinner at our friends' house where I felt open, trusting, and had a great time telling funny stories of the past. The old Ruby never would open herself up like that. I love the growth that I have experienced since being able to let go and forgive people that have hurt me.

Chad and I make a great team. We share most of the household duties. He and I can read when the other needs a little extra help around the house. Parenting seems to come natural for both of us, but when one of us is having a rough day we just tap out and the other takes up the slack. I couldn't ask for a better marriage. This summer will make 10 years, and we are still passionately in love. We have 2 beautiful children that we cherish. I will be 31 on my next birthday and I am so grateful that I have had the privilege of spending my young adult years married with children, rather than dealing with loneliness or relational transitions and struggles. I feel like my relationship with Jesus and my love for Chad has pushed me to cross many scary bridges and has given me victory over battles that come my way.