The Early Years

I was born on April 19,1978 to Doug and Margie Nichols. My dad worked as a welding inspector and my mom was mostly a stay at home mom, but at times would work at a burger shop near our home. Money was pretty tight considering I was the youngest of 15. My dad had 3 daughters when he met my mother, who had 11 children of her own. Three years later, and very much unplanned, was the miracle of my birth. Mom loved to tell me how UNPLANNED I was. I'm not sure why she thought that was a funny story for a child to hear. By the time I came along the newness of having a baby was not an exciting thing for my family. According to my sisters, they did most of the feedings, changing, bathing, etc., and in shifts so that it was fair! As I grew, my oldest brother felt the need to take on the disciplinarian role. Considering he was fresh out of the army and knew nothing about rearing children, he was extremely rigid. I was four years younger than my nearest sibling and the rest of them were staggered by a year or just a little more. I spent my early years clinging to whom ever would give me attention at the time. It was usually one of three brothers, who were closest in age, Mark, Larry, or George. They were my knights in shining armor.

Looking back on these years I can see how my start on life has effected me developmentally. There have been many obstacles socially and emotionally that I had to overcome because of my childhood. One thing that bothers me is that I don't have a lot of memories from my childhood. Sometimes I will think I remember something, and then I find a picture of it later. I am left wondering if I really remembered it or if it was really just the picture that I saw. I realize that is odd. It concerns me so much that I have blocked out or forgotten quite a bit of my childhood that I work extra hard to make memories for my own children. I think my childhood effected me socially because I can see a distinctive pattern in my life of surrounding myself with guy friends. I believe that is because the strongest relationships I had as a child were with Mark, Larry, and George. I attribute these relationships to my physical and mental strength as well. They taught me the importance of being strong. For a while in my life that was actually my one of my biggest weaknesses.

In thinking about Erikson's stage of Trust vs. Mistrust I can identify with how this could have been true in my own development. Speaking honestly, I have always had issues with trusting people. I have had few solid friendships. Thank God I married my high school sweetheart, because I may never have put myself out there like that again. Once I do trust though, I am loyal through and through and when hurt I am hurt deeply. Confrontational...wow am I; this is something I've worked on. I came to grips that it is because of my mistrust that I confront...always on the attack, so not to get hurt. I think maybe being passed from care giver to care giver, sister to sister, receiving love and discipline from different people caused me to have some trust issues later on.

My mother did the best she could with the skills she had. She never would have thought that having my sisters take care of me would have hurt me in some way. She was tired, and had a lot on her plate. There were many things she did well; those things just didn't get the spotlight today.